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Still not quite okay.

I really need to get back on my meds.

It's far too easy for me to feel suicidal again.



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New apartment thoughts.

Thoughts on my new apartment: I love the basic set-up, and decorating this new space is really enjoyable! The electric system is a mess, because this building is from 1930 or so. This means I can't run AC or computers/tv while doing laundry The basement is pretty damp, but only when it's rained, so it's not a constant thing, and not profuse flooding. I love the general set-up of the apartment, and love having a front porch. I also love the painted brown trim around the railings inside, above doors, etc. And I like having a separate living room, kitchen, and dining room (combined with office/craft/computer space). And my bedroom is huge! And the bedroom for Nate, which I'll eventually also use as a general guest/music/fitness room is pretty big, too.

I miss having a fenced in backyard, though. People have stolen Nate's bouncy ball, his fitness ball (which he used to sit and bounce on, as a safe way to stim due to his autism), a bottle of his bubbles, and my broken gardening hand shovel. Chances are, it was kids who took those things, and it was all during daytime. Still, I'm upset. I lived in East Franklinton for nearly 8 years without being stolen from. I've used a bike lock to attach Nate's Big Wheel bike to my back railing, and to attach his Little Tykes car ("Sleepy") to my grill. We still haven't put together his Little Tykes playset, but it hasn't been messed with (it seems people take things they can easily grab, according to my neighbors who've lived here awhile).

I went to a National Night Out thing for the neighborhood, with my dog Macy. I met a local animal charity, who gave me a pack of dog treats and told me that the fact that I'm on disability means their organization will provide free microchipping for Macy, and will help her stay up to date on deworming and vaccines. Very glad to know of this resource!

I'm also going to try to push myself through my social anxiety enough to attend the local block watch group's meetings occasionally. Two of the people from the local block watch actually noticed me moving in, saw that I have flowers and was making an effort to make my porch look nice, and came to introduce themselves. I mentioned that I couldn't reach the light above my back door to change the bulb, and they brought a ladder over, so I now have a light out back. I don't want to ever be in people's business, but this area is pretty rough, and I have no problem keeping an eye out for safety issues.

I did find, while walking Macy, that I can literally cross to the other side of Parsons, and suddenly everything is really nice. So, at the very least, I am a quick walk to pleasant neighborhoods and pleasant parks. The nearby Kroger and Dollar Tree (on Parsons) are kinda crappy with their selections, but at least they are close by and convenient. There's also a Dollar General and Family Dollar nearby, and even an Infinity 99 Cent store.

Tonight, though, I was out back with Macy, and some random guy pulled up in a truck and told me: "I like your outfit" (I was wearing a short sun dress), and he wiggled his tongue at me.  I was triggered and am still feeling pretty uneasy...

Apartment hunting woes.

The landlord of the really cute place sent me a link to apply online, but it's 45 dollars (high for this area), and I haven't even seen the place in person.  I don't know...  He seems potentially sketchy, and he now says he "hopes" it will be ready July 1.  So, I don't know.  I haven't ruled the place out, but I'm increasingly wary.

There was a new listing for another place, though.  It's close to the concrete slab, but in a somewhat better area.  It's really close to shopping, and close to therapist and a really awesome bookstore and park.  It has a big front porch, a decorative fireplace/mantle, and a backyard (not fenced in, but I could make it work for my purposes).  It's in a half-double.  I saw it in person today, and I liked it.  I applied (20 dollars), but others were applying, too.  I'm praying and praying that my application is good enough, and that I made a good enough impression.  And that, if those things go well, that Section 8 would approve it promptly.  But that's getting ahead of myself; I have to be chosen and approved before any of that.

Pandora the kitty is doing better.  Her lymph nodes are back to normal, and she's putting weight back on.  The vet said that's good, and to call them back if her nodes swell back up again.

I really, really need some stuff to go okay.  I'm running out of of hope so fast.  
Wifey took me to the mall today, just the 2 of us.  Because, with moving, Nate's therapies, and ambigu-sweeties surgery, we don't know when we will next be able to go out together.

She bought me dinner at the Chinese restaurant at the food court.  I got noodles, steamed veggies, cream cheese won tons, and iced peach green tea.

We went to Spencer's, Icing, Claire's, Game Stop, Hot Topic, and Tropical Trends.  I spent around 25 dollars on myself, which I never do at the mall.  I got myself a NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS button pin that says "simply meant to be," and a matching wall poster for the new apartment.  NIGHTMARE and "simply meant to be" were themes wifey and I had at our handfasting.  I also got a panda bear belly button ring, ocean-themed nail stickers, incense, and the game My Sims for the Wii.  And then my wifey got me an earcuff that is pink, purple and blue, and has flowers, a heart, and an owl on it.

I kinda feel guilty for spending so much on myself, but it was really wonderful going out with my wifey after such a rough week.  And I am excited about my purchases, most of which were on sale or clearance.  

Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al

I don't know how many times I saw this on VH1 as a kid, and it fascinated me, because I knew Chevy Chase was lip synching, and I'd never seen anything like it at the time, LOL.


Basketcase.

That feeling when you might be too anxious to leave your apartment to go to your much-needed therapy appointment.

Me meme.

Two names you go (have gone) by:
1.  Kelly.
2.  Fosca.
Two parts of your heritage:
1.  Irish.
2.  French.

Two things that scare you:
1.  Being abandoned.
2.  Being ridiculed.
Two things you are wearing right now:
1.  Lip Gloss.
2.  Head scarf.
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